"I Won't Let You Out of My Sight" ("Baywatch")
There's three common stereotypes around the world about Minnesota. The first is most everyone in Minnesota is nice; hence the term "Minnesota Nice". This is true. The second is everyone living in the land of 10,000 lakes talk with a Norwegian accent. "Ya, I went to da big Cineplex up dere at Southdale to watch that new Dwayne Johnson movie, doncha know?" This is not true, nor do we live on a diet of Lutefisk. The third, and most ridiculous stereotype, is how we must endure with sub below temperatures ten months out of the year. Yes, our winters are longer than most states. Yes, it's not uncommon for snow to be on the ground in April. But once Mother Nature eventually gets to us on her rounds we experience the changing of the seasons like everyone else. Our time together with Spring, Summer, and Fall just happens to be shorter than we'd like.
Of course, this illustration won't help win my argument.
I'll be honest. "Baywatch" always came off to me as a shallow attempt on syndicated television to show T&A by having attractive people running on a beach. That was its whole concept. Forget having engrossing characters or intriguing stories to broaden viewer's minds. The producers just needed dark haired hunks with their muscles flexing and white women's chests juggling as they ran towards the camera in slow motion to fill a weekly 60-minute slot. A child was told not to swim under the pier, didn't listen, swam under the pier, and now is drowning? Okay. Let's spend a minute setting up the conflict followed by three minutes of hot men and women slowly running towards the danger with a score done by a third-rate Kenny Loggins singer. Spoiler: they save the child and spend another two minutes laughing and celebrating in slow motion as the so-called lifeguards go into suggestive modelling poses.
Maybe I should have paid 'tribute' to what made the television show stand out by allowing Erik and Kari to explore their sluttier selves. But feeding into the misconception Minnesotans like to go skiing on the Fourth of July seemed like the lesser of two evils. I know by choosing this I won't be invited to any meat raffles anytime soon, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
- Jake